Volvere diego

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Hutchinson, a nursing professor at the University of Florida Health Science Center in Jacksonville, interviewed 15 women and 9 partners experiencing a pregnancy after ending a previous one that was abnormal. The anguish these parents suffered after the lost pregnancy resurfaced during the later one, they found. Before parents could even talk about a current pregnancy, they needed to review the intense, extreme pain of the previous one. Nearly all the parents said the anguish had a rippling effect throughout their lives and was unlikely ever to go away. They described the diagnosis of fetal abnormality as an unexpected assault, like someone taking a two-by-four and just smashing you up the side of the head, one parent called it. Another described it as an unbelievable shock because you dont consider things like this are going to happen. And one man called it the blackest time Ive ever been in, like falling into a bottomless well where there was no light. Still, most parents did not want to forget what had happened. My relatives had the babys remains cremated and placed in a specially decorated box along with all the notes, letters and mementos people had sent; the box is kept in their bedroom. But some parents were reluctant to talk about their experience because of the stigma that surrounds the topic of abortion. So when they most needed support, many parents felt isolated. As one said, There is a time early on when you think youre the only person in the world whos ever been through something so terrible. Another said: I think in our minds there would be judging, but also we wouldnt get that sympathy and we definitely needed it. We lost a child. Common among the parents interviewed was a loss of innocence, a feeling of helplessness and a sense that somehow they were less than whole. Their devastation affected their relationships with others, including each other, although ultimately, the researchers reported, most parents talked about how surviving the experience made their relationship stronger. The parents had a hard time believing misfortune would not strike again. One said, The numbers dont mean squat once youve been the one in how many thousand people that this will happen to. Now sensitized to a negative outcome, parents tended to hold back and not become as emotionally involved in a subsequent pregnancy. Instead they encased themselves in emotional armor to have the strength and courage needed to face the possibility of another termination decision, the researchers found. Many delayed becoming attached to the baby in a later pregnancy until they felt confident that everything would be And while in the previous pregnancy they dared to dream and hope for the perfect child, now they only wanted a living child. Hopes mother, for example, had envisioned her as a fabulous baby, precocious 2-year-old, adventurous child, challenging teen and growing up with many of her fathers qualities generous, kind-hearted, beautiful inside and out. I hoped that she would get some of my qualities too. I had already pictured her birth, pool parties, mother/daughter shopping escapades, graduation day, and her wedding. I planned my entire life with her in it.